Two weeks to take a song from conception to completion to competition!

MC DnD DM

This song was created for Game of Bands round 137 : "D&D"

Lyrics:

Today we're playing DnD // so grab your dice and player sheet //
please gather 'round and take a seat // we're starting soon, so I'll repeat //

My name is Donald, Dungeonmaster // slinging monsters harder faster //
Slashing pirates, slaying casters // 'fore we start, let's check the roster //

A ranger, rager, mage of third? // Anchorite, knight, an archwizard? //
A bard, a guard, a justicar? // Savant or hunter, tracker, stalker? //

PHIL

A rogue.

BETTY

A druid.

TOM

A cavalier. //

CARL

A witch.

STEVE

A ninja.

DONALD

I guess that's fair. //

Basic classes, basic races // I'm sure you all will find your places. //

Now, before we all begin // I'll lay a scene, so buckle in //
A war-torn town of Droden Place // Destroyed by men from Tayonaise //
A mayor, wounded, cries for aid // From dying words, a quest is made //
"Destroy the Tayon King," he cries // "He must be stopped," to which he dies. //
The king's own rogue had heard the quest // And figured her up to the test //
She grabbed a hearty crew of five // To make the dark king unalive //
You gather here at Level One // Where your conquest has just begun //
You venture forth to stop the king // With nothing but your gear and rings //

PHIL

I've got a cloak.

TOM

I have a spear. //

CARL

I've got a wand.

DONALD

Now that's all clear, //

(2X SPEED)

You leave from your home with the gear in your pack // And you're fully aware you may never come back //
Say bye to your mum and then gather around // Then you can roleplay about what you found //

STEVE

A friend that I know from the Tayonaise Square // Says should the king die, there's a son there to heir //
He's just as much wicked and even more cruel // The townsmen would suffer should demon son rule //
He ran from the village just two years ago // He warns us we'd die should we venture alone //
There's a handful of guides in a village nearby // We should probably grab one if we'd want to survive //

BETTY

I've heard many a thing of the man on the throne // He acts independent but he sure ain't alone //
There's monks and his knights and some bishops he sends // The castle he sleeps in is what he defends //
We need to grow stronger on our journey there // If we don't, I can't think of how poorly we'd fare //

PHIL

Is this meeting we're in somehow under detection? // Are we being listened to?

DONALD

Roll for perception.

(TALKING NOW)

PHIL

I rolled a six.

DONALD

Nope. You're totally alone. There is nobody who seems to hear you in this bustling town square.

PHIL

Hey, guys. I think we should move somewhere else. I have a bad feeling about this.

(SONG)

DONALD

And with that, a rogue arrow flies out of the air! // It jams in the rogue's stomach, and causes despair! //
He screams out in pain, the falls down on the floor, // He's bleeding profusely, now *everyone roll*. //

PHIL

A twenty.

BETTY

A seven.

TOM

Four.

CARL

Five.

STEVE

An eighteen. //

DONALD

The mystery archer's nowhere to be seen. //
Now Phil, you rolled highest, so what will you do? // You failed your perception, and your health is at 2.

PHIL

I gather a potion from off of my belt // In hope that its magic might regain my health. //

STEVE

On my turn, I move from where the arrow was shot // And a slash in my sword whether he's sat there or not. //
I rolled a Nat 20 on for my longsword to hit // Did I get him? //

DONALD

Yeah, but you hit the wrong kid. //
You made a good guess, but the man that you stuck // Was just a bystander with god-awful luck. //
The arrow is magic and wasn't shot here // His location's unknown!

STEVE

Gah, that's what I feared. //

DONALD

From out of the shadows, another bolt flies // Into Betty's head, and alas, then she dies. //
A potion or magic might save her from death // But without it, Betty has drawn her last breath //

(SLOWER)

CARL

On my turn, I will sense for spells //

DONALD

You sense it - look upon the hills. //
A blip of man is shining bright // Casting at your rogues and knights.

CARL

I cast RAY OF ENFEEBLEMENT //

(TALKING NOW)

DONALD

Wait, that's Strength damage. On the first turn?

CARL

He's like 20 feet away, two solid hits and he just dies, right?

DONALD

I mean, you're right, but...

CARL

RAY OF ENFEEBLEMENT.

DONALD

*sigh* Roll a D6.

CARL

Six.

DONALD

Goddammit.

(MUSIC RESUMES, STILL SLOWER)

So, the archer bends over now weak and in pain. // He's can barely inhale with his energy drained. //

TOM

I move and I slash at his unmoving brain. // In one move, I'm sure that this man will be slain. //

DONALD

You coup a defenseless Mage on a hill. // You reap the rewards of a violent kill. //
The towns people gasp as they witness the dead // A merciless stranger missing a head. //

(TALKING NOW)

Good job, it looked to them that you just killed two random townspeople. Well done.

(MUSIC GOES DEEPER AND SLOWER)

(Sound of a door being kicked in.

BRUTUS

Sup, nerds?

I see your dice and painted minis //
Lame-ass bitches, wimps and ninnies //
Grab a football, get some head //
Your social lives are wilting, dead //

Instead of being cool like me //
You geeks are playin' DnD //
I might not grow to be a surgeon //
But at least I'm not a fuckin' virgin! //

Throw away your bag of dies //
And join the land of drunks and highs! //
I--

(TALKING)

TOM

Uh, hey Brutus. It's actually pronounced "dice".

BRUTUS

I... Uh... Well...

(SING)

Your priest is lame!

(TOM IS INTERJECTING AT THE BEGINNING OF EACH OF BRUTUS' LINES WITH A CORRECTION FOR THE PREVIOUS LINE)

TOM

Cleric.

BRUTUS

And so's your game! //

TOM

No it isn't.

BRUTUS

I'll stomp your midget!

TOM

Halfling.

BRUTUS

And smash your brains! //

TOM

I'm wearing armor.

((TALKING NOW))

BRUTUS

You fucking fags!

TOM

Can I hurt him now?

BETTY

Please.

BRUTUS

You dumbass geek fucks, I'll -

*muffled fight noises*

*door closes*

TOM

Sorry about that.

DONALD

You know what, I think that's enough for today.

CARL

I'm gonna go play Magic The Gathering now.

STEVE

Wanna play Phantom Vintage Cube on MOTO with me?

CARL

Sure.

DONALD

Same time next week, then?
[Exit]

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