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Kringle vs Kringle

This song was created for Game of Bands round 183 : "Anti-Holiday Songs"

Lyrics:

KRINGLE vs. KRINGLE
------------------
COURT REPORTER:
00:00 City of North Pole Alaska
00:02 divorce proceeding
00:04 case no. 774-463
00:06 motion for summary judgment
00:09 before the honorable
00:11 Clarence Odbody, judge,
00:13 presiding this May 17, 2019
00:15 representing the plaintiff
---
00:18 Margaret Jessica Kringle
00:20 (aka Margaret Claus):
00:22 Yamal Iri, esquire
00:24 representing the defendant
00:27 Kristopher Malcolm Kringle
00:29 (aka Santa Claus):
00:31 Pierre Fouettard, Esquire
00:33 reported by: Moses
---
00:36 gerila, ccr, rpr
00:38 official court reporter
00:40 in and for the city of north pole
00:42 state of alaska
00:45 state witness:
00:47 Detective Theo De Nadal
00:49 direct examination by ms. iri
00:51 cross-examination by Mr. Fouettard
---
CHORUS
00:36 The exhibit index
00:38 S-1: Crime Lab Results
00:40 S-2 Photographic Evidence
00:42 S-3 Warrants, FBI, Interpol
00:45 S-4 Depositions and Affidavits
00:47 S-5 Affidavits
00:49 S-6 Sworn Testimony
00:51 S-7 Assets of Kristopher Kringle
---
MS. IRI: (Woman's Lawyer Voice, Stern, Sharp)
00:53 Your Honor, we are ready
00:55 to proceed with motions
00:57 in the case of
00:59 Kringle Vs. Kringle
01:02 Mrs. Kringle is present
01:04 and we are ready for motions
JUDGE: (man's voice, authoritative)
01:06 Very well. Call your first witness.
MS: IRI
01:08 Plaintiff calls Officer Theo De Nadal.
---
MS. IRI: (Woman's Lawyer Voice, Stern, Sharp)
00:53 Your Honor, we are ready
00:55 to proceed with motions
00:57 in the case of
00:59 Kringle Vs. Kringle
01:02 Mrs. Kringle is present
01:04 and we are ready for motions
JUDGE:
01:06 Very well. Call your first witness.
MS: IRI
01:08 Plaintiff calls Officer Theo De Nadal.
---
COURT REPORTER:
01:11 North Pole Police Department
01:13 after been first duly sworn
01:17 did testify as follows:
MS. IRI:
01:19 Could you please state
01:22 your name for the Record?
OFFICER NIDAL (Man's voice, gruff)
01:24 Officer Theo De Nadal.
MS IRI:
01:26 Officer, can you please state for the record
01:28 how are you employed?
---
OFFICER NIDAL:
01:31 Police Officer.
MS IRI:
01:33 And do you see Mr. Kringle
01:35 In this courtroom today?
OFFICER NIDAL:
01:37 I do not.
MS IRI:
01:40 Please let the Record reflect
01:42 that Mr. Kringle is in Contempt
01:44 of Court for Non-Appearance.
COURT REPORTER:
01:46 So Entered.
---
MS IRI:
01:49 Officer, could you tell the Court
01:51 in what capacity you were working
01:53 February 14, 2018?
OFFICER NIDAL:
01:55 In a joint task force capacity
01:58 with the FBI, the Canadian
02:00 Royal Canadian Mounted Police,
02:02 and UK Scotland Yard Officers.
MS. IRI:
02:04 And the mission of this task force?
---
OFFICER NIDAL:
02:07 To arrest Mr. Kringle and accomplices,
02:09 and secure the site
02:11 for further forensic investigation.
MS. IRI:
02:13 On What Charges?
OFFICER NIDAL:
02:16 (Sounds of Paper Ruffling) I need to use notes.
02:18 We had a warrant to arrest
02:20 and apprehend Mr Kringle
02:22 on the following charges:
---
CHORUS
OFFICER NIDAL:
02:25 132,236 Charges
02:27 of Breaking and Entering
02:29 342,487 Charges
02:31 of Illegal Trespass
02:34 193,296 Charges of
02:36 Destruction of Property
02:38 65 Charges of DUI
02:40 in his vehicle, he called it "his sled"
---
OFFICER NIDAL:
02:43 Failure to Pay Child Support
02:45 Failure to Pay Alimony
02:47 Kidnapping of 15 Little People
02:49 he called them his "elves"
02:52 initially thought to be children
02:54 their families state that
02:56 they were brainwashed into
02:58 some sort of Christmas Cult.
---
03:01 23 Counts of Failure to Appea
03:03 in Court on Civil and Criminal Charges
03:05 And then we have the Federal Charges:
03:07 15 Counts of Transport of Livestock
03:10 across State Lines without a License
03:12 (he called them his “reindeer”)
03:14 4517 Violations of Illegally Operating
03:16 an Aircraft without a license
---
CHORUS
03:19 34 Violations of traveling into
03:21 US Restricted Airspace
03:23 10 Counts of Kidnapping and
03:25 Illegal Transport Across State Lines
03:28 9 Counts of Aiding and Abetting
03:31 Illegal Immigration into the United States
03:33 Because 9 of the “Elves”
03:35 Do not have Visas.
---
03:38 Failure to Appear in Federal Court
03:40 A similar list of Charges is being pursuedat the International Criminal Court, and illegally transporting goods and people in out of Various other countries.
03:42 by the Canadian Authorities,
03:44 as well as Interpol
03:47 who has been searching
03:49 for him for multiple more kidnappings,
03:51 violations of European Airspace,
03:53 Failure to Appear
---
03:56 at the International Criminal Court,
03:58 and illegally transporting
04:00 goods and people in and out
04:02 Of Various Countries.
- CROSS-EXAMINATION -
BY MR. PIERRE FOUETTARD: (Frenchman, or another male voice)
04:07 (sighing) I have no questions your honor, m
04:09 my client has not appeared
04:11 and won't respond to my inquires.
JUDGE:
04:13 Thank you, Officer. You may step down.
---
JUDGE:
04:15 Please let the Record reflect
04:17 The charges as read
04:19 An so council for plaintiff,
04:21 Do you have any more witnesses?
MS. IRI:
04:23 We have no further witnesses.
04:25 At this time we would offer,
04:27 file and introduce for
04:29 motion purposes only –
---
CHORUS
04:32 The exhibit index
04:34 S-1: Crime Lab Results
04:36 S-2 Photographic Evidence
04:38 S-3 Warrants, FBI, Interpol
04:41 S-4 Depositions and Affidavits
04:43 S-5 Affadavits
04:45 S-6 Sworn Testimony
04:47 S-7 Assets of Kristofer Kringle
---
MS. IRI:
04:50 At this Time, I also request
04:52 summary judgement of Divorce to
04:54 Mrs. Kringle, and disbursements of all
04:56 known Assets of Mr. Kringle
04:59 as listed in document S5.
JUDGE:
05:02 Mrs. Kringle do you agree to this
05:04 of your own free will and accord?
MRS. KRINGLE: (happily)
05:06 I most certainly do.
[Exit]

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