Santa - Intro:

Ho, ho, ho, surprise!

Santa – Verse I:

Knock knock, it’s Santa Claus
You don’t wanna mess with me, I’m a bawse
I bring presents to children everywhere
And I’m about to sleigh you, so beware

But I guess you know all about my sleigh
Since you’ve been pulling it every day
Got famous for your big red nose
But I’m the real hero, everybody knows

You’re a clown, so let me break it down
‘Cause we all talk about you when you’re not around
Prancer, and Dancer and Comet, Blitzen and Cupid
Everybody knows that you’re real damn stupid

Oh, did that make you cry
Well that just comes as no surprise
You seem to think that you’re all that
But never forget, you’re just a forest rat

Santa – Hook I:

Santa Claus is coming to town
And I ain’t got time to be messing around
I’m here to bring you joy and bliss
But first there’s a deer that I gotta diss

Santa Claus is coming to town
And I ain’t got time to be messing around
Ho ho ho, now get outta my way
You better know I’m here to stay

Rudolph – Verse I:

Forest rat? Forest rat?
Least I'm not out there peddling plastic crap
Got the elves in the workshop slaving away
While you sit on your lazy fat ass all day

Getting real sick and tired of pulling your sleigh
Obligatory comment about how much you weigh
Slide six inches at a time down on my north pole
Beat you to death with a stocking filled with coal

Cause I ain't the cute reindeer from Rankin and Bass
I'm a mutha-fuckin cannibal caribou, and yes I eat ass
I'm Rudolph the red nosed pain-deer
More dangerous than a meth-ed up polar bear

I hear that you're fond of the ol' egg nog
On your chest I'm gonna lay a steaming curled yule log
You're just a crappy mascot for Coca-Cola
When my nose glows bright that means I'm going super nova

Santa – Hook II:

Santa Claus is coming to town
And I ain’t got time to be messing around
I’m here to bring you joy and bliss
But first there’s a deer that I gotta diss

Santa Claus is coming to town
And I ain’t got time to be messing around
Ho ho ho, now get outta my way
You better know I’m here to stay

Santa – Verse II:

Oh, you’re calling me fat? How Rude-olph you
Is that really the best you can do?
You want to beat me with coal? Go ahead
For that you need thumbs though, whoops my bad

Coca Cola is my friend, for sure
They also pay my rent – and maybe more
You seem to be in need of a recap
Son I don’t just wrap, I also rap

You can’t be serious; you say you’re dangerous
But you’re just delirious and it’s getting ridiculous
‘Cause everybody knows that your nose only glows
‘Cause you drink all of our brandy and it shows

Rudolph, you’re a disgrace
It’s about time that you face
Yeah, everybody loves ol’ Santa Claus
So how about a round of Santa-plause

Santa – Hook III:

Santa Claus is coming to town
And I ain’t got time to be messing around
I’m here to bring you joy and bliss
But first there’s a deer that I gotta diss

Santa Claus is coming to town
And I ain’t got time to be messing around
I’m here to check things off my list
And Rudolph man, you just got dissed